I went to a gig tonight, Scottish band called Runrig. There's supposed to be a thingy over the i, but I don't know how to make it. It was good, although some songs were tedious in the extreme. I didn't know the band in advance which is never good, you don't get caught up in the atmosphere so much then.
Have to get up early tomorrow go to the airport. Hurray for visitors, but why do they always arrive so early in the morning...
I'm missing Biscuit, too. And Oliver. Pesky friends that don't keep in touch...
Tuesday, 23 October 2007
Thursday, 18 October 2007
Grrr, Arrgh
Why is life so complicated? Just when you think you have it sussed, someone will come along and knock all your foundations away for you.
Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. Freedom, or gratification? Possibility of getting hurt (high) or good friendship? Sod all and try anyway, or resignation? Choices. I frikkin hate choices. This kind, anyway.
It's getting colder here now. I could do with a nice cuddle and I know just the one... but that door was quite emphatically slammed shut. I think I'll knock again in a while, see if it'll come open again. You never know.
Ziggie wants me to come visit in Irleand. I've never been, it's tempting.
Greg was very surprised I liked Scotland, he said he'd never met anyone that had liked the place (although he admitted it was the cities nobody liked).
Adam is getting along fine with his girlfriend - might be moving in together soon.
How can you persuade someone to like you? The answer is - you can't. Friendship is something you can't force, or buy, or talk someone into. Same as with love. Either it happens, or it doesn't. It's not something you can evaluate with logic, or reasoning. The heart doesn't do logic, and you can't reason with emotions. Of course it can grow over time - familiarity doesn't always breed contempt (best example being Victoria and Albert), but... people. Don't try so hard. You will find love, I know you will. In one form or another - be it with me, or someone else.
That, I DO know with 100% certainty.
Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. Freedom, or gratification? Possibility of getting hurt (high) or good friendship? Sod all and try anyway, or resignation? Choices. I frikkin hate choices. This kind, anyway.
It's getting colder here now. I could do with a nice cuddle and I know just the one... but that door was quite emphatically slammed shut. I think I'll knock again in a while, see if it'll come open again. You never know.
Ziggie wants me to come visit in Irleand. I've never been, it's tempting.
Greg was very surprised I liked Scotland, he said he'd never met anyone that had liked the place (although he admitted it was the cities nobody liked).
Adam is getting along fine with his girlfriend - might be moving in together soon.
How can you persuade someone to like you? The answer is - you can't. Friendship is something you can't force, or buy, or talk someone into. Same as with love. Either it happens, or it doesn't. It's not something you can evaluate with logic, or reasoning. The heart doesn't do logic, and you can't reason with emotions. Of course it can grow over time - familiarity doesn't always breed contempt (best example being Victoria and Albert), but... people. Don't try so hard. You will find love, I know you will. In one form or another - be it with me, or someone else.
That, I DO know with 100% certainty.
Sunday, 14 October 2007
So where do I go from here?
I was told I wasn't the person for the role. I.e. I am now jobless again. whoopee. Oh well. Time to dig in and start over. Again.
Spend the weekend in Scotland. It was ok, except for spending most of the time in a car driving around. The first hotel room we were in was amazing. HUGE, with an open fire (which was lit) roses waiting on the table and a canopied bed. The kind you actually have to have a stool to climb to get in, some 4 feet above the floor. amazing stuff
I think however that if I do not start feeling something for this quite amazing guy that's been so kind to me, I will have to stop seeing him for a while. I don't want to hurt him but I have tried so hard to love him and I just seem not to be able to. It's quite sad actually.
Visited some memorials. I had to get a firm grip on myself and distance my mind - I do this frequently. It doesn't mean I don't care, of course I do. But if I let myself care openly I'd never stop crying. And that'd be no good.
Another fun-filled week ahead... another adventure tomorrow! Helping to Chose a Bathtub. Well actually I was banned from helping with that as I was told I would not be helping. huh.
Oh well, pizza and packing tomorrow. I love moving houses (I'm not moving, I'm helping out) because a) it never takes the time you think it will and b) you always find things without fail that you thought you'd lost, or that you'd forgotten that you had...
I think I'll go and look through my stuff now, you never know what you'll find!
Spend the weekend in Scotland. It was ok, except for spending most of the time in a car driving around. The first hotel room we were in was amazing. HUGE, with an open fire (which was lit) roses waiting on the table and a canopied bed. The kind you actually have to have a stool to climb to get in, some 4 feet above the floor. amazing stuff
I think however that if I do not start feeling something for this quite amazing guy that's been so kind to me, I will have to stop seeing him for a while. I don't want to hurt him but I have tried so hard to love him and I just seem not to be able to. It's quite sad actually.
Visited some memorials. I had to get a firm grip on myself and distance my mind - I do this frequently. It doesn't mean I don't care, of course I do. But if I let myself care openly I'd never stop crying. And that'd be no good.
Another fun-filled week ahead... another adventure tomorrow! Helping to Chose a Bathtub. Well actually I was banned from helping with that as I was told I would not be helping. huh.
Oh well, pizza and packing tomorrow. I love moving houses (I'm not moving, I'm helping out) because a) it never takes the time you think it will and b) you always find things without fail that you thought you'd lost, or that you'd forgotten that you had...
I think I'll go and look through my stuff now, you never know what you'll find!
Wednesday, 22 August 2007
So I've been temping for the last few days. Not sleeping enough either.
Tried a dating site O.o I even found someone to talk to although he's been ignoring me today... he's been logged in though. I have a sneaky suspicion that he left himself logged on this morning when he went to work! I wish I wasn't so impatient :)
Tried a dating site O.o I even found someone to talk to although he's been ignoring me today... he's been logged in though. I have a sneaky suspicion that he left himself logged on this morning when he went to work! I wish I wasn't so impatient :)
Monday, 20 August 2007
Monday
Ok I've never been one for keeping diaries, but I'm at a pivotal point in my life and I want to record it, however fleetingly and unoticed it will be.
Quick background: In February the love of my life broke up with me. I was, as you would understand, devastated. I have never loved anyone like I loved this man (and I know lots of people say it but it's the God's honest truth).
Having been told by numerous friends at work and out, to never speak to him again, I ignored them all and kept in touch. It has been traumatic but also a steep learning curve. I realise what went wrong and I want to try again and do it right. But to do so I need Mr Right. As it is though I feel I might have to settle for Mr Right Now. Not that there is anyone.
No, that's a lie. There is. But he's in a different country, and married. Don't give me that look please, it was his decision not mine.
Met him a few months ago - no, that's wrong, known him for over a year online through this game we all play, Everquest 2 - I met him in the flesh (and oh what flesh it was) a few months ago as he was on route home to see his family. Stuff happened. Now I'm not sure whether he meant it or not, time will tell. In the meantime I keep looking... if you live in north London... *hint*
/yawn bed time...
Quick background: In February the love of my life broke up with me. I was, as you would understand, devastated. I have never loved anyone like I loved this man (and I know lots of people say it but it's the God's honest truth).
Having been told by numerous friends at work and out, to never speak to him again, I ignored them all and kept in touch. It has been traumatic but also a steep learning curve. I realise what went wrong and I want to try again and do it right. But to do so I need Mr Right. As it is though I feel I might have to settle for Mr Right Now. Not that there is anyone.
No, that's a lie. There is. But he's in a different country, and married. Don't give me that look please, it was his decision not mine.
Met him a few months ago - no, that's wrong, known him for over a year online through this game we all play, Everquest 2 - I met him in the flesh (and oh what flesh it was) a few months ago as he was on route home to see his family. Stuff happened. Now I'm not sure whether he meant it or not, time will tell. In the meantime I keep looking... if you live in north London... *hint*
/yawn bed time...
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